How to Heal a Broken Heart

How to Heal a Broken Heart

Whoever wrote the lyrics to “Breaking up is hard to do” was right on the money. Unfortunately, the odds are not in your favor when it comes to experiencing a breakup. In fact, most of us will experience a heart-breaking breakup sometime in our lives. And although no one can fully prepare you for a breakup and there are few words that can cure the pain you’ll feel, we still believe that advice goes a long way. With a little bit of know-how, and an understanding of the stages you’ll go through with a breakup, you can be confident that your heart will eventually heal ...

Five Stages of Healing
The emotions that we go through (also called the five stages of grief) are just as relevant to a breakup as they are to experiencing a death of a loved one because both can be incredibly painful experiences. While you may not go through these stages in order, it’s natural and healthy to go through them at some point.

Denial: You deny the breakup has happened and isolate yourself from your loved ones. To help get through this stage, accept what has happened and don’t be afraid to ask for help and support from those who love you and are there for you.

Anger: You become angry with your ex and maybe even with yourself for the cause or circumstances of the breakup. To help deal with your anger, write a letter addressed to your ex (without the intention of giving it to him or her), and really get down and dirty with your feelings, letting it all out. Then, put it aside and come back to it another day, reread it once, then toss it. If you prefer another method, try keeping a journal of your feelings. Writing can be incredibly therapeutic.

Bargaining: You bargain with your ex to take you back, telling him or her that you were wrong, what changes you’ll make, and so on. Or, you get others involved in trying to get them back. This stage often involves irrational actions such as contacting them no matter how trivial the reason.

Depression: You might still have those feelings of anger, sadness and guilt, and they begin to manifest into depression. Suddenly, you lose control of your emotions and your life. If you find yourself stuck in this stage for too long, it’s not healthy and you may want to seek help.

Acceptance: You come to terms with the breakup, and you no longer feel anger or deep sadness. While thinking about your ex is still normal, you’re able to move on with your life to be productive and emotionally healthy again.

Avoid Getting in Contact
While you’re in the bargaining stage of grieving the demise of a relationship, you may try to get in touch with your ex. There are two reasons why calling, emailing or visiting their house is a BAD idea. First, many people convince themselves that the other person is thinking about them just as much as they’re thinking about the other person. But just in case they aren’t, you don’t want to look desperate and not in control of the situation. Second, the more contact you have with that person, the less likely you will be able to move on. Every time you write to them, talk to them or visit their house, you’re taking a step back instead of forward. It’s difficult to fight the urge to get in contact with your ex, but you have to resist it. This means no making up excuses to see them (I have to get back my one sock back or I know they’ll be at that party on Saturday night). Late night calls are often the result of being emotionally tired, so remember that tomorrow is a brand new day that offers new opportunities and hope. Call your friends to talk to instead.

Shake it Up Socially
When you have a significant other, a lot of your individuality as people can get lost in what becomes your definition as a couple. After a breakup, it may seem more difficult to regain your individuality, especially when everything seems to be connected to your relationship. To regain your individuality and put faith back into what you can offer, do something you’ve always wanted to do. Sign up for a new exercise class, join a club or do volunteer work. Avoid the social scene that you and your ex shared. Be open to meeting new people, even the opposite sex, but only proceed to a new relationship if you’re sure you’ve healed yourself from the old relationship. Take some time for yourself and enjoy you for you.

Digest and Learn
To be able to move on, it’s healthy to be able to fully digest what happened that turned the relationship sour. Identify the reasons that contributed to the breakup, what role you played in those reasons and what you can do differently in the future for a successful relationship. Don’t be too hard on yourself or hard on anyone else for that matter. You learn with every experience in life, and breakups are no different.

Two quotes come into mind when it comes to healing a broken heart: “Time heals all wounds” and “Where one door closes, another one opens.” While you may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel now, we guarantee that the day will come when you’ll know that your broken heart has officially healed.