Dealing with Regret – How to Let Go

Dealing with Regret – How to Let Go

In life, regrets are inevitable – kind of like paying taxes and dying. Pardon the morbidity, and we don’t mean to sound fatalistic, but you will always have regrets no matter how much you do or don’t plan for the big decisions and for the future. Because what could have been and what we can’t know for sure will always be in the back of our minds, especially if we are disappointed with the outcome of our final choices. But for those of us who let regrets paralyze our present, it’s time to accept what is instead of what could have been and start constructively dealing with regret…

Regrets come from perceived mistakes about the choices we have made and the course our life has taken as a result. Regrets are usually perceived as mistakes because it always seems like the grass is greener on the other side – and the fact is that it sometimes may very well be. Between career regrets, parenting regrets, relationship regrets, health regrets and regrets in the face of an early death, many of us can get incredibly caught up in what we wish was or wasn’t. This is because we either never anticipated that we’d make those mistakes and that our decisions would turn out less than successful or because we had no choice in the matter, but still embrace unnecessary responsibility. Sometimes we never really gave enough thought to the impact of our decision for non-action, and it bites us in the backside later on.

So when we regret, we sometimes end up not being able to enjoy the good things in our present life. When we regret something, we know that we haven’t adequately worked through the emotions that are associated with the past experiences. Having regrets, especially silent regrets, is also a way that we refuse to let go of something, and a lot of the times that’s just not healthy. We underestimate the positive impact that dealing with regret can have.

What role do regrets actually play in our ultimate destiny? First, regrets either serve solely as reminders of our mistakes or they will serve as reminders to find a lesson out of the mistakes and use that lesson as our motivating factor to make the current situation better. So what about destiny? Is whatever happened supposed to have happened because the course we take is what we were ultimately destined to take? Maybe and maybe not – you have to decide that.

The fact remains that what happened in the past has happened, and unfortunately, you cannot travel back in time and change it. But there are steps you can take to help you stop ruminating and release your disappointment so that you can start letting go of the past. It is unlikely that you’ll ever be able to live your life completely with no regrets, so just remember that regrets don’t always have to be a burden on your present and your future. Start dealing with regret effectively with these tips:

Acknowledge your faults
Your regrets may stem from something you did or something that was out of your hands. When you did contribute to a bad decision, it’s important to start accepting responsibility for it. How can you healthfully move on if you won’t acknowledge the reality of the role you played? Accepting responsibility can be quite empowering, and it will allow you to more realistically evaluate a future decision.

Let go of something small first
If you have a major regret in your life that you want to get past, try letting go of a smaller regret first. Maybe you regret missing out on a party that your friend later told you was the best party she’s ever went to because she met tons of potential dates. You regret not going because maybe you missed the chance to meet someone, too. Not the most life-altering mistake, is it? Once you see how good it feels to let go of a small regret, you’ll be more motivated to move on to something more significant.

Find meaning
Every regret you have has a lesson somewhere in there for you to find. Think of regrets as a learning experience – that is the only way you’ll ever find some value in it – and there’s always something to be taken away from your experiences. One part of the lesson you learn must include asking yourself exactly why you’re letting go of the regret. For example, “I am letting go of this regret because it’s taking away time I can be devoting to my kids.” When you start to acknowledge the impact of the burden, you’ll start wondering why you’re allowing it to impact you so much, and you’ll understand why it’s time to start letting go of the past.

Modify Your Expectations
Whether it’s your personal expectation or the expectations of others, ask yourself if you’re being realistic about them. If your expectations aren’t realistic, you may discover the reasons that caused the outcome of your regret in the first place. It’s a good thing to set your expectations high, just so long as they don’t become so unrealistic that regrets become inevitable. Modify your expectations next time and minimize the opportunity to feel regrets in the future.

While you may never be totally void of having regrets, you have learned how to start dealing with regret so that you can minimize their negative influence and live with more awareness and happiness in your present and future life.