The 5 Stages of Grief: Dealing With Loss

The 5 Stages of Grief: Dealing With Loss

At some point in your life, you will have to deal with loss. Take the recent devastation surrounding the Tsunamis that hit South Asia. With over 150,000 reported deaths, as a result of this natural disaster, many lives have been and will continue to be affected by loss for many years to come. There is also the loss many families worldwide are dealing with as the result of the war on terror. It is at this time, many of us find ourselves grappling with the why’s and how’s of loss.

When loss of a loved one, job, material possessions or faith strikes us, it can not only be overwhelming, but may cause us to act out in ways that seem to be against our nature – or does it? Truly understanding the grief and bereavement process helps us to deal with loss and move through it.

There are considered to be five stages that human beings go through when we suffer a loss. They are:

* Denial – characterized by refusing to believe what has happened and feelings of shock

* Anger – the accusing stages or time of blaming oneself or others for what has happened

* Bargaining – asking God, the universe or a supreme being to “cut a deal” with you and return things to the way they were before the loss took place

* Depression – feelings of listlessness or exhaustion combined with helplessness, guilt and lack of interest in life

* Acceptance – the ability to face the loss and move on, returning to setting goals in your life and being able to focus your energy more positively

Regardless of the size or scope of loss you experience, each one of these emotional stages will be hit. While there is no definite way to determine how you or someone else will deal with loss, be mindful that your grieving process is your own. If you find difficulty in moving through any phase of loss, the help of a professional grief counselor is advised as well as the use of tools to aid in your grieving process.

One such tool I have found is an amazing book called: “How to Survive the Loss of a Love” by Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, Melba Colgrove. This book was put together with such love and caring for the human spirit, I recommend keeping a copy of it in your personal library to pull out when needed. This book details the stages of grieving from both a practical and emotional standpoint with explanations on why we feel the way we feel about various types of loss, along with beautifully written poems that aid in the expression of those feelings.

In the end, the realization that there is an end, and definitely a light at that end to be embraced, gives way to the tremendous well of hope at the heart of the human spirit. It’s one of the many miracles that we carry around with us wherever we go and exists within a thought’s reach. Be well, be blessed and be healed in whatever manner suits you always remembering that dawn will follow the darkest hour.

The Power of Words

The Power of Words

Thursday, January 20, 2005


As one of thousands on a personal quest to be the best person, companion, friend, lover, colleague, etc., you are profoundly affected by the way you use and choose words. From the early times of our childhood – when we grapple with our first words – to the days when words flow so freely onto a high school term paper or to our defense during an argument, the effect of our words on ourselves as well as others can contribute or detract from our overall health.

One such study on the effects of words can be found in a wonderful book written by Japanese scientist, Dr. Masaru Emoto entitled: The Hidden Messages in Water. In this book, Dr. Emoto reveals his personal, scientific study into the relationship between words, thoughts, music and pictures, and the health and harmony of water at the molecular level. According to Dr. Emoto’s findings, we start our lives as fetuses, existing as 99% water, and being born retaining 90% of that. At adulthood, we drop to 70% and can decline to 50% water at the time of our death. What does this mean and why is this important? Keep in mind that we, as humans, from a physical perspective exist mainly of water.

This realization propelled Dr. Emoto onto a path that found him conducting several experiments such as his infamous photography exhibit where he took several bottles of distilled water and taped different words to them. Leaving the words taped to the bottles and, at times, having the word read aloud to the water produced an amazing reaction in the water. After photographing molecules of the water, he discovered that positive words like “love” and “thank you” produced delicate and beautiful formations, while negative words like “you fool” and “I hate you” produced violent, scattered images.

The Hidden Messages in Water then continues on to reveal the effects different types of music, pollution and technology have on water as well. It’s a truly interesting perspective that will – should you take the time to indulge in this fascinating read – shed a whole new light on what it means to choose your words wisely.

As human beings who feel a great deal, it’s not always easy for us to censor ourselves in the heat of a moment or when physical pain is involved. But, here’s something to try the next time you are in a heated discussion with a loved one or involved in a meeting that causes you some stress:

* If you feel the urge to blurt something out, pause and take a deep breath

* In your mind, recite this simple thought: “I know that there is a wonderful being in each of us, and I want to see it in you and I want you to see it in me”

* Take another deep breath

The above exercise was passed onto me by one of my mentors and continues to work wonders in my life today. From here, you can go a step further and examine any negative speech patterns you may have and develop alternative phrases that have a more positive impact. It may be as simple as not using the word “stupid” in reference to yourself or anyone around you. Keep in mind that covering your emotions with “happy” words or suppressing your feelings in any way will not make your troubles miraculously disappear, it’s more that doing little things to ease tension in yourself will – as Dr. Wayne Dyer, one of the masters of the intention behind words, so eloquently puts it – “change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” All of which contribute, in the long run, to a healthier you.